Muscle Memory, Part 3
by Caera1996
Summary: McCoy has a realization about Spock. He and Kirk continue to explore their relationship.


Title: Muscle Memory, Part 3

Author: Caera1996

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Please. Is this even necessary?

Summary: McCoy has a realization about Spock. He and Kirk continue to explore their relationship.

Note: This started as a reply to a prompt on the kink meme that can be found here: .com/st_xi_kink_?thread=4694170#t4694170

Note 2: The first two parts can be found at my LiveJournal. You don't necessarily have to read them first, but this will make more sense if you do.

Note 3: I really thought this was going to be the end, but now I'm not so sure.

Jim woke slowly, a growing pressure in his bladder pushing him to wakefulness annoyingly early. He opened his eyes and smiled sleepily. Bones had turned into quite the cuddler since their time at the Academy. Jim was lying on his back and Bones was on his side with his right arm and leg thrown over Jim, effectively pinning him in place. Bones was still deeply asleep, and Jim loathed to wake him. In sleep he looked younger, his face absent of the tension he was so expressive about during the day. His lips were slightly parted and his breathing slow and even.

Closing his eyes, Jim replayed last night's conversation. He'd never seen his friend look so…unsettled…he supposed was the right word, and he felt kinda bad about that. But, on the other had, Bones is the one who asked. Jim hadn't planned on saying anything, despite the changes in their interactions over the last couple of months. Not that he regretted it at all; he just never thought he had a chance with Bones as anything but a friend. It was awesome, and just a bit terrifying, to realize that wasn't the case. There was so, so much to lose. Not just a boyfriend, or a lover, or whatever they became to each other…but everything they were to each other now. He knew Bones understood the weight of this risk with the experience of a man who'd been through it all before, but Jim knew the effects of loss, too, and was determined to not let that happen to them.

_Bones stayed, _Jim thought happily. He really wasn't sure he was going to. Jim had actually gone to bed alone, leaving him to finish up some paperwork on the couch, and giving him some space he seemed to need. It was really no surprise that of the two of them Bones was the more diffident in this new situation. He had a vague memory of waking slightly when Bones joined him, but other than that, he'd slept soundly, for the first time in a long time. _Guess I found my cure._

Beside him, he felt McCoy stir. Jim turned his head again, to study his face, memorize his relaxed features. It was obvious that he was waking, and Jim really did have to go to the bathroom. Jim reached with his free left hand to gently brush the hair off Bones' forehead, and then trace his fingertips lightly over his eyebrow and down the side of his face to under his bottom lip. With a deeper breath, McCoy smiled slightly and opened his eyes.

"Good morning," Jim whispered.

"Mornin'," he replied. McCoy seemed to take a quick inventory of himself and Jim watched as a more alert look came over him and he flushed slightly. "'M sorry…" he started, as he moved to back off of Jim.

"Why?" Jim asked, recognizing Bones' awkwardness for what it was, and wanting to relieve him of it. "I haven't slept so soundly in months. I'd be happy to sleep that well just like this every night, but now I really gotta pee." Bones smiled and huffed a little laugh, withdrawing his limbs so Jim could get up.

McCoy watched him go, unable to ignore the fact that Jim was clothed in boxers, and nothing else. He'd been more conservative, borrowing a shirt and pair of sweats from Jim's closet. Closing his eyes again, he enjoyed the warmth of the bed, and did his best to ignore the slight discomfort he felt. Like Jim had said, they'd crashed together before, and if this were like before, it wouldn't be a big deal at all. But it wasn't, and they both knew it, and _that _made it a big deal. For McCoy anyway. He wasn't sure where Jim was with all of this.

* * *

"Doctor, may I speak with you?" The evenly modulated voice caused McCoy to grimace slightly before looking up from what he was doing. Spock was standing in the doorway of his office, hands customarily clasped behind his back. McCoy gestured him in.

"Have a seat, Spock," McCoy said, repressing a sigh. Spock was cooperating and helping him help Jim…he would make an extra effort to be polite. The Vulcan fully entered McCoy's office.

"I am comfortable standing," Spock said.

"Spock, where I come from it's rude to decline an offer of hospitality," McCoy replied dryly.

"I fail to see how simply stating one's preference--" He cut himself off as McCoy leveled a pointed glare at him. After a moment, he simply sat in the offered chair. They'd been spending a lot of time together on account of the informal therapy sessions with Jim, and though McCoy wouldn't go so far as to say they were friendly, they were definitely getting to know and tolerating each other better.

"Now, what can I do for you?" Spock hesitated before answering, and McCoy watched him curiously. Another side effect of spending so much time together was the realization that Spock's ability to conceal his emotions didn't mean they weren't there. As a doctor, McCoy was very adept at reading his patients' body language, and it was that skill that alerted him to the fact that though at first glance Spock looked the same as always, something was causing him some tension.

"I wish to invoke the right of confidentiality, Doctor," he said finally. Stopping himself from reacting in surprise, McCoy simply nodded and activated the "do not disturb" setting on his door. He switched into a more professional mode, and leaned forward slightly, holding Spock's gaze.

"So, what's on your mind?" He asked.

"I have some reservations regarding the treatment plan we have been following to combat the captain's post traumatic stress," Spock said. McCoy bristled slightly, but kept that reaction under wraps. He'd been wondering when Spock was going to either question Jim's progress or perhaps, insist on reporting the situation, as was proper. PTSD and its accompanying reactions are tricky. There was no real cure, save time and support as necessary, and Spock's points at the very beginning, when he questioned the effectiveness of desensitization therapy _were_ valid. But damned if McCoy was going to give him any fodder to use against Jim.

"Spock," he said. "Let me stop you right there. Confidentiality works both ways. I can't discuss Jim's--"

"You misunderstand me, Doctor. I am not questioning the captain's progress. Rather, the concerns I have are regarding my own involvement," Spock said. McCoy's brow furrowed in confusion as he waited for more of an explanation. Although Spock didn't shift or fidget at all, it was surprisingly obvious to McCoy that he was finding this conversation difficult. Finally, with his eyes focused somewhere past McCoy's, he continued. "It is…unpleasant…for me to continue reliving the events of that day on the bridge, and to engage in activities that bring to mind the emotions of that time. I regret this decision, as it was my intent to do whatever the captain asked of me to help relieve his distress, however I have determined that my continued involvement would be… deleterious." He refocused his gaze on McCoy for a moment, before moving to stand.

"Thank you for your time…"

"Spock, wait," McCoy said, standing too. "I am so sorry."

"Doctor, there is no reason to apologize."

"Yes, there is. We…I…was so focused on doing what was best for Jim, I didn't stop to consider what was best for you," McCoy said. Spock honestly looked puzzled.

"I freely agreed to the request for my participation in this endeavor. The responsibility for that decision is mine alone," he said.

"No, Spock, it isn't," he said, with a sigh. McCoy sat back down, and indicated that he should as well. After a moment, he took his seat again, deferring to the doctor's preference for adhering to regional Terran etiquette. "Members of this crew are responsible for each other; commander and subordinate, doctor and patient, those we are friendly with, or those who may simply be on our shift that day. But we are responsible for each other. I didn't take that into account when we asked you to do this, not as a doctor, which I damn well should have, and not as a friend."

"I was not aware that we considered each other friends," Spock said coolly.

", maybe not yet, but we're getting there. Don't tell anyone." McCoy paused. "Is this why you suggested the mind meld at first?"

"In part. I would not make that offer without a thorough analysis of all considerations. I continue to be of the opinion that a mind meld would be more definitive and effective course of action. Though of course, if the captain is not amenable, your expertise will be needed to devise another course of action."

"I'll talk to him, Spock, and we'll figure something out…and don't worry, this conversation will be kept in confidence."

Spock inclined his head. "Thank you, Doctor."

* * *

"Did he say why?" Jim asked. "No, never mind. He's right. It wasn't fair and I didn't even think twice about it."

"Neither of us did, Jim." Jim sat heavily on the edge of his bed, McCoy in the desk chair. He had a rush of déjà vu, thinking back a few weeks to the night that started it all. Jim hadn't had a problem sense, and the once- or twice-a-week sessions with Spock had actually seemed to be helping. Jim's stress reactions had gotten milder with each encounter, to the point where they barely registered. He may never have another episode like the one at the dinner. Or, it could happen again at some other inopportune time, with much more serious consequences. "Spock's offer to do a mind meld still stands." Jim sighed and looked at him in askance. "I'm not saying I like it," McCoy said quickly, "But it might be a more definite solution to a problem that doesn't usually have one. Only if you agree to it."

"You know why I don't want to…but he did say he could maintain a specific focus…" he trailed off, staring into space. McCoy sat quietly, watching, knowing he was remembering the encounter with the elder Spock in the cave on Delta Vega. After a moment, he shrugged. "I don't know, I'll think about it." He looked up and focused on McCoy. A small smile played on his lips. McCoy let his gaze slip from Jim's, feeling a little nervous, but not wanting him to know. "You stayed last night," Jim said. McCoy shrugged.

"It was late. I was tired," he said, nonchalantly. Jim's smile blossomed into a grin.

"Right," he said. He studied McCoy for another moment, taking the faint flush that was developing on his face and the way he kept his eyes averted. This was a side to his friend that was new to him. He wasn't used to seeing Bones so unsure. He wished there was something he could do to help, but because he and their relationship was the cause, he wasn't sure how to help. "Bones, come lay down with me?" McCoy looked up at him, and Jim saw the uncertainty there. "Only what you want to give, Bones," he said softly.

McCoy got up as Jim settled back up against the head of the bed. He was already in a t-shirt and sweats, but McCoy was still dressed in his blues. "You can borrow some of my clothes if you want." McCoy nodded and went to fish around in his dresser for something to change into. Jim watched from the bed as McCoy hesitated, half turning towards the bathroom as if he were going to change in there. Jim's eyebrows raised in surprise. In all the time they knew each other, including the three years they were roommates at the Academy, Bones had never been shy about changing in front of Jim before. In the end, though, he changed in the main room. Bones walked back over to the bed and stood there…looking a bit hesitant. Jim smiled, and patted the space next to him. With a huff and a roll of his eyes, McCoy settled beside him. They looked at each other for a moment, then Jim wrapped his arms around Bones, urging him against his side. Bones was tense and Jim waited for him to relax.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Jim asked. McCoy didn't need clarification.

"I've never been in a relationship with a man," he said, and then blinked in surprise, as if he didn't even realize that thought was on his mind. Jim looked a little surprised, too, and McCoy winced. "Sorry…didn't know that was going to be the topic of conversation." Jim shrugged and smiled easily.

"No, hey, I'm glad you said it. It obviously matters to you, so it matters to me." He paused. "Bones, if this makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to be in a 'relationship.' Your friendship means more to me than anything. I would never want us to do anything to jeopardize that."

"Honestly, Jim, I don't really know what to feel. Like I said, it's obvious that what's going on between us is more than just a friendship, and I don't actually have a problem with that."

"So why do you look so nervous?" Jim asked gently. McCoy looked away, flushing again under his gaze.

"It's just…Jocelyn and I…we started as friends too."

Jim looked at him sympathetically. "I guess the question is then," he said, catching McCoy's eyes. "Is it worth the risk?"

McCoy smiled. "Yes, Jim. I think you are."

As always, critiques are appreciated!


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